Spring Blossom, Autumn Sorrows

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

today actually no school one,

but morning got ISOC & than MIG meeting,

than went NTUC bought kai lan, chye sim, lady finger.. all the veggie i like ask ma cook.

yup,

it's been 2 days since my mama's back!

finally in the afternoons are not so 'quiet' at home liao loh..

and i can eat whatever she cooks liao,

just ate a simple dinner; 1 dish of veggies & rice.

if not, i only have sundays to eat at home..

next week's mid-sem tests,

feeling the urge to do my best on it.

tml's my last day w/ ju hui,

hope to give my last best shot to teach her something bah.

plans plans plans..

ooh fri i only school from 3-5pm heehee, sweet!

morning i hope no rain i'll go swim bah, set.

i hope doing my fav things will ease that bit of depression in me bah.

there's another person who commented my eyes are watery all the time,

well apart from yawning to wet my contact lenses,

my head is packed with personal problems too lah.

everybody got some of their own too right?

mine's an extremely difficult & problematic one,

for many years i'm thinking & waiting & missing.. haha.

*Champ i hope you'll get your job alright? (=

she told the story ... 8:46 PM

Sunday, June 26, 2005

who can tahan somebody owe u $230 over 4 weeks?
me loh =/
shit that aunty, accumulate with this month's fees and ur face will turn green.
dang i got ALOT of patience,
so unlike a typical gemini haha =P
today sunday, gonna start doing something on individual report,
and study later loh.
haiz this morning actually wanna swim to jian fei & de-stress,
kauz cannot cos u-know-what loh tmd.
sorry ah jin yuan, kept turning u down like 3 or more time le =P
yay tml my mom coming home!
MONDAY MONDAY MONDAY MONDAY MONDAY MONDAY~~~
only IF my dad agrees to the neuro surgeon who said 'no need operation, it's harmless',
cos there's another opposing neuro surgeon said 'need, better take it out.'
aiyo who to listen to?
my ambition when i was young was being a doctor u know?
HENG AH I DROP THAT IDEA.
it's so risky to be one, put high salary aside lah.
i mean if u fail to save 1 life, U STILL GOT MOOD TO WORK THE NEXT DAY MEH.
if u managed to save many lives than ok lah..
n e u r o s u r g e o n
woa what a big name.. bigger than 'ah long tau', scared leh lolx.
ass, my mom better come home asap cos hospital food look like..
VOMIT and taste like water,
so IRRITATINGLY HEALTHY, phooey lah.

plssss boh pi my mama pin an wu shi, i'll be a better person do more good deeds, plssss oooohhh >_<

she told the story ... 5:16 PM

Saturday, June 25, 2005

just finished housework, i think i did it for 3hrs ba.

in sch earlier sabotaged edwin & julius enter MIG main com,

& also some unwelcomed soul invited itself leh.. wtf loh.

i dun care much le, just want a happy MIG family.

woa lao the more APEL talks about relationship, love and sex,

the more i get bored & irritated by it..

i was preparing myself to ans the teacher:'i'm not interested in this topic yet.'

like when she ask:'what do you think love is?'

i'm already beaten down with many bad bAd BAD things liao,

my very personal life + my mom in hospital so xin ku,

yeah they're all my own problem i know,

i shouldnt bring my problems to school & be a moody cow in front of pple,

but i'm only human..

well today i almost wanna walk out of the classroom.. almost.

but that's attitude problem so i restrained myself.

the strongest man in the house has shed his tear,

me being the 5th one can't help it too..

i wish i will get sleepy asap so my mind stops thinking,

i'm afraid of tml cos i will think again.

i hope tml's badminton session w/ celin & joyce will ease the pain =/

miss ya stupid asshole *poke*

i know you got school no more,

stop repeating that to annoy me lol.

she told the story ... 2:01 AM

Thursday, June 23, 2005

just came back home from hospital w my aunty & cousins,

my aunty gave me $50 when she learnt tt i got $15 left for this month..

mom's going live in there for more than 5 days,

it's not serious tumor but complicated to extract,
so it's f**king serious.

scanning ur brain in a circular machine is $300+

5 days living there is $500+

+ surgery? medicine?

gonna cost freakin' $10,000+

and HELLO the root of her prob might be from her BRAIN.

what if the brain surgery made a folly out of the whole shit?

taking medicine will help little and my mom will still suffer, just a bit less.

*stressed*

and this being on my mind is the 1st living human on earth who

really, really, really,

drives me mad.

i hate to be bombarded w/ doubts & questions,

my head is gonna explode already thinking & giving in &

lying i'm 'ok' & pretending i dunno what's going on.

f**ked.

i appreciate more independence & stamina from a person,

plus confidence.

i hate the word 'die liao!!!'

i hate the word 'how?!!'

i HATE the word 'dunno.'

YOUR BRAIN IS THERE FOR YOU TO THINK.

SETTLE DOWN AND THINK.

looking at anxious faces kinda irritates me =/

but my lightside oh well,

always kill off my going-to-be-hot temper i guess.

that's why i'm 'friendly' bah..

today's entry is freaking honest =/

writing anymore i will do more housework for temporary anger releasement.

or 'fan nao', which i think is a better word hor.

haiz, all these tiny tiny things i shouldnt be complaining,

my mom is the MOST IMPORTANT right NOW.

gosh i'm not even excited/worrying abt mid-sem test =/

whatever, please boh pi my mama to get the best for recovery w/o any barriers >.< tired ="(">

she told the story ... 11:10 PM

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

haha now i'm at school w/ shijia beside me waste time in lab!

today's shitx 1st anniversay!

maybe later i go hospital see can get what there for them..

hmm.. needles? panadol? tranquilizer? JIAN FEI YAO WOOT!

lolx jk..

ya i'm going off soon to visit my mama again.

thinking of buying her porridge,

hospital food must suck alot sia.

will be staying there with her pei pei & talk talk till 8pm when i will need to leave her to rest le.

oh yeah i need to buy my own dinner too lol.

shit la i dunno if she have eaten le ma boh..

WELL,

i hope she's going to be fine & healthy as usual =)

p.s. HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY SHITX, OUR SAI HAS LVL UP LE WHEEE!

she told the story ... 4:49 PM

haha now i'm at school w/ shijia beside me waste time in lab!

today's shitx 1st anniversay!

maybe later i go hospital see can get what there for them..

hmm.. needles? panadol? tranquilizer? JIAN FEI YAO WOOT!

lolx jk..

ya i'm going off soon to visit my mama again.

thinking of buying her porridge,

hospital food must suck alot sia.

will be staying there with her pei pei & talk talk till 8pm when i will need to leave her to rest le.

oh yeah i need to buy my own dinner too lol.

shit la i dunno if she have eaten le ma boh..

WELL,

i hope she's going to be fine & healthy as usual =)

p.s. HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY SHITX, OUR SAI HAS LVL UP LE WHEEE!

she told the story ... 4:49 PM

Sunday, June 19, 2005

june 19, sunday.
it's father's day & 1 week after my bday.
now my mom's in TTSH,
having full check up about her health prob..
she will be staying there for 5 days max.
i'm getting busier in sch, work & at home,
& my mind is busy worried for her wellness..

for tml's CB test i hope i will do good,
than maybe stay for proj & go visit her.
the house feels empty w/o mama =(

she told the story ... 11:04 PM

let's see,
i'm almost finished with CB,
1 more chapter to go!
woa lau so many stuff to remember..
even tho' it's only 30 MCQ's,
it's still an important test,
& the notes are not enough, need the CB book also for good examples to make u understand.

yeah i put up an MTV in my blog,
it's by Mario, 'Let me love u' i think.
i wanted to put it up looOOOoong time ago..
and finally found 1 that is compatible with moi Mozilla.
oh yeah i dun like Internet Explorer,
Mozilla is better, protect u from pop-ups, virus, hackers etc etc etc.
=)

now so late i better slp liao,
but my sister haven't come home from work!
=/
she work so far away and night shifts leh.
& i hope my mom dun stress herself so much,
everyday wake up early and slp late,
overworked le..
sounds like me lolx.
okie whatever, hope everybody in the house 'pin an' & 'jian kang',
& 'kuai le' wheeee!

*night night*

she told the story ... 1:40 AM

Thursday, June 16, 2005

YAY!
champ will be graduating tml =)
1 step closer, VERY GOOD!
i waited till my shit's gonna harden up already asshole!
AND,
i will be digging my rains out for projects tml =/
cookie will have me to play with in the evening when i come home tml =D

i think moi brain is dying.
can't think of simple things for projects,
forget this & that,
can't 100% catch up with lectures,
blur**^ B| u R^*blurrrrr,
talking w/o brains cos got easily distracted,
(thanks u stupid asshole).
u know once ur brain cells dies, it never comes back,
that's why pple get senile when they do nothing & waste their brain cells down da drain.
have i over-worked?
or have i under-worked?
or am i lost & trying hard?
. F . U. D . G . E .

i just know that i've got growing appetite,
means i dunno i'm 'streesed'.
now than i know i am stressed =/
& i'm more vulgar (joking + lai jin eh),
more blur & off-point,
more lazy.. what else?
OH drink more mocha.. &..
AH!
more 'i-talk-what-i-think-w/o-keeping-cool-&-i-dun-care-how-u-react'.
whahahaha!
yeah i always try to keep a cool look,
to ensure everything will be ok & blah u-know-what.

champ help meeee!
i dun wanna act 'strong' anymore,
i wanna complain like others & cry till my shit hardens!
little sch & work stress i'm already being overwhelmed T.T
S I G H !

forget what i said,
i just changed ma mind, like a gemini (lol rhyme),
i must stay S T R O N GGGG!!!!!
lalalalalaaaaaaaaaa lolx,
tml is another day,
JIA YOU JIA YOU JIA YOU ARGHHH!
lalalalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa~
siao liao.

she told the story ... 11:48 PM

Sunday, June 12, 2005

1 hr 30 mins later, my bday will be officially over le,
didn't go out today, i just wanna stay home.. :)
chatted with champ for hrs over the phone,
he almost choked me to death (can't breath ahhhh!!!),
than received more sms wishes, 19 of them i think,
just nice, that's my age now lol..
so thks guys!
bathed cookie (see pix below) & played with him,
ate mom's famous 'or-tao-you' chicken,
finished my BOE (wheee i like my idea),
and finally..
analyzing FOAM project now :/
haiz havent read any textbook yet sia phooey..
esp that 16 CB stuff which i got no clue wth they are!!!
and just received a call from a student's mom,
she wants to cease tuition for a month in july,
well she wants her relative to try trial teach her for a month yep.
well whether she's keeping the new teacher after 1 month or not,

JU HUI JIA YOU FOR YOUR PSLE OKIE!!!
dun forget abt me lolx..
it's great fun teaching you, really :D

my tummy's feeling better liao,
not ready for next week but baaa..
need to face new chapters le..
omg my ISOC lec notes for 'gender' is so empty,
need to borrow and copy le >.<

*better speed up & not be a blur sotong hor!

she told the story ... 10:26 PM

cookie after bathing heehee... smell so nice! btw that's my er gor gor combing his fur whoo!

she told the story ... 7:05 PM

my cake! i keep that dalmation still nor. well that the cake cant stick 19 candles so put 1 big candle. i 10 only lolx!

she told the story ... 7:03 PM

there my bday presents from shitx buddies (except winnie the poot la he's only a model for that COOL yellow shirt! heehee!)

she told the story ... 6:57 PM

first, let me thank cecilia, joyce, celin, xue lian, gary, edwin & gf joce
for celebrating my bday wif me tonight!
it's a simple yet enjoyable steamboat,
i love it heehee!
next, shi ru altho' u didnt come,
i understand why so dun worry okie? i'm no small girl yeah lolx.
thank you for the 2min+ recording to say ur wishes,
i'm really touched & wept ABIT =P
there's always next yr right?
and everyday is my bday cos u & other shit buddies just make my day in sch liao le!
*happy happy*
and thanks for those who wish me happy bday so fast,
it's enough for me le =)
i just like things to go simply.
it's all in the heart that counts to me heehee.

*now at msn toking to xue lian she how lian she blog pro lol, yeah like shit HAHA!*

let's continue,
so i'm 19, feel like older le.. *er diao lol*
nothing much as compared to 18 ba =/
i made a bday wish,
which is hard to come true..
it's not in my wishlist (whatever in my wishlist i can get them myself de),
but not saying it cos once said it'll be broken lolx.
superstition whatsoever eh? yupx but i believe in them,
'better to be safe than sorry.'

once again thanks cecilia, shi ru, joyce, celin, xue lian, gary, edwin & joce for tonight.
i really appreciate your effort & surprises!
and yeah the gifts too heehee,
upload the pix tml okie.
well to say frankly,
a simple 'happy bday' is all i need.
love u guys *smilex* :D

she told the story ... 1:30 AM

Friday, June 10, 2005

wow today woke up early to meet kaiwen in sch,

watch him did his crazy bouce training programe,

ran 1 round around the track & was panting like mad le..

haiz got muscles so what? good for show not for use lolx.

better buck up!

and played bball like shit,

than changed, ate & went for BOE.

YESH, I AM FINALLY SATISFIED WITH MY BOE.

i'm going to finish it later!!

than for APEL, no lesson cos teacher bring us all to the seminar for 'asian trade' at auditorium,

got SEAL points loh i think.

& i dunno what SEAL is lolx? lolx..

i was tired & stomach pain again during MktgPrin lec,

da silva crap many funny stuff but i no mood to laugh!

OMG, i hope i can get well soon,

stupid diarrhea sia,

i morning can run and play now u come back, bloody leh u...

didnt go for tuition today as a result..

now's 8.33pm, i am suppose to be teaching terrence loh.

well, i wonder if joyce, celin, edwin & his gf is enjoying JJ's concert?

hope they'll have a good time =)

i'm having my good time alone at home =)

soooo good to come back home this early in the evening..

home sweet home heex.

*looking forward for tml's dinner at zhen fa huo hai xian,

with good old shit buddies!

so mr diarrhea,

pls go away,

i wanna eat whatever i take!

bleah! =P

she told the story ... 8:40 PM

Thursday, June 09, 2005

i got diarrhea =(

can listen to the growls in my intestines man,

ate century egg porridge and medicine,

hope i will be fit and well for tml!

haiz i queued up for JJ's concert tix for almost 2hrs,

together w edwin, *insert name*, shi ru, cecilia & julius..

so hot, so sweaty, so squeezy as if my bones will crush anytime,

with a bad & uncomfortable diarrhea..

end up i cant attend my socio lec,

cos left with 15mins only go in for what right,

than did 1 thing i shdnt do,

that is asked a friend to sign my name for me.

AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sharon heng ah..

never go means absent lah,

why be so untruthful neh?

*slap*

1st time in my life skipped lec & dare to ask pple help me sign somemore..

*guilty guilty*

i better repay that friend sia.. a drink or meal in sch.

woa lau i lost track of moi friends sia while pushing 4ward,

can u imagine that many pple?!

than after getting the tix,

actually wanted to teach tuition de,

but was tired & sick in the stomach,

i listen to cecilia better see doc and dun go.

what an experience tonight,

heng i not those type who queue for hrs for a tix,

but if help a friend queue is ok de =)

making pple happy makes me happy!

well i better hit the books now to catch up,

if not i wont have tme left liao le nor heex.

COUNTDOWN: 3 more days to moi bday, no big deal to me now,

i just wanna get well soon.

oh yeah,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY!!!

LAO BA JUI BANG LE~ WHOOOO!

*just gave him a wallet =D

she told the story ... 9:02 PM

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

just came back home from work,

met my socio proj groupies in sch lib watched

'anna and the king'.

DANG COLD LOH, i could see ma own goosebumps bumpin' on my arms & tights.

lend joyce & xue lian's jacket lolx.

was tired like shit after a too-early-to-discuss proj meeting,

thx to me lah, too anxious le,

so sorry guys >.<

than went home nap 1/2 hr & went out of the house again for work.

and now i am a full-fledged nighter,

er i mean more active at night than day.

what's it call huh? 'ye mao'? dunno lah.

well well i better go and bath now if not too late le.

buaiz~

countdown: 4 more days to moi bday, 19 candles ah not 18.

she told the story ... 10:56 PM

Saturday, June 04, 2005

today another long day sigh,

but now i feel no more moody le,

thks to the nice pet conversations during APEL,

thks to the damn funny de silvia's PrinMktg lec!

1 ass wrote in exam societal mktg concept as suicidal mktg concept LOLx,

really an asshole man that joker whahaha!

and that he streeses 'u need THIS BOOK',

now i know the v impt Mr Philip Kotler =)

thks to aunty linda's homey treatment to me during tuition,

ask me to eat dinner 1st den teach her boys,

cos she know i havent eat yet haha..

thks to my mama's liang cha, i love it!

lastly, thks to cookie,

who always make my day whenever i see him =D

jump here jump there kiss here kiss there & play fetch lol..

well tml's sat, another busy day for busy me.

now looks like alot of reading is to be done for mktg wor,

aiyo.. really SDL sia,

so challenging, frightening, exciting.. woa siong but tong all the way la hee!

ganbatte ne >.<<<

dear mktg,

even though u r hard to apprehen,

i will eat u,

cos i love u,

just like how much cecilia loves mktg,

go and die u interesting subject! lol!

wow i am really cheerful liao =)

hey champ i miss your crap!

lalalalaaaa.. =P

she told the story ... 12:24 AM

Friday, June 03, 2005

today is such a long day..
9-11am tutorial, than 3hr break -_-!
2-4 tutorial again, than 2hr break -__-!
my mood was soo chao tah from weariness & boredom,
i can't even smile & 'hi' sincerely,
all fake ones cos i was really worn out =/
now my mood is even worse,
not respected at all for every little thing i've done =(
always will have face hot & cold bickerings,
always been wrongfully acused,
thks to stubborn faulty perceptions.
always been the victim of being a 'boxing bag' for anger release,
always have to bear the painful anger in me whenever provoked,
...
arguing back is no solution,
using physical force is NEVER in my list,
losing out is the last resort.
i always lose the nonsensical & unnescessary stupid 'battles',
so u will be satisfied & smiling in victory cos of ur 'wit' & sacarsm,
happy now?

*learn to respect & think fo r others u brat.

she told the story ... 1:20 AM