just came back home from hospital w my aunty & cousins,
my aunty gave me $50 when she learnt tt i got $15 left for this month..
(=
mom's going live in there for more than 5 days,
it's not serious tumor but complicated to extract,
so it's f**king serious.
scanning ur brain in a circular machine is $300+
5 days living there is $500+
+ surgery? medicine?
gonna cost freakin' $10,000+
and HELLO the root of her prob might be from her BRAIN.
what if the brain surgery made a folly out of the whole shit?
taking medicine will help little and my mom will still suffer, just a bit less.
*stressed*
and this being on my mind is the 1st living human on earth who
really, really, really,
drives me mad.
i hate to be bombarded w/ doubts & questions,
my head is gonna explode already thinking & giving in &
lying i'm 'ok' & pretending i dunno what's going on.
f**ked.
i appreciate more independence & stamina from a person,
plus confidence.
i hate the word 'die liao!!!'
i hate the word 'how?!!'
i HATE the word 'dunno.'
YOUR BRAIN IS THERE FOR YOU TO THINK.
SETTLE DOWN AND THINK.
looking at anxious faces kinda irritates me =/
but my lightside oh well,
always kill off my going-to-be-hot temper i guess.
that's why i'm 'friendly' bah..
today's entry is freaking honest =/
writing anymore i will do more housework for temporary anger releasement.
or 'fan nao', which i think is a better word hor.
haiz, all these tiny tiny things i shouldnt be complaining,
my mom is the MOST IMPORTANT right NOW.
gosh i'm not even excited/worrying abt mid-sem test =/
whatever, please boh pi my mama to get the best for recovery w/o any barriers >.< tired ="(">
